1 Samuel 1:26-27a NASB “For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the LORD; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the LORD.”
I’ve always wondered what the first thing I’d say when I gave birth was. Honestly, I don’t even remember. I just remember thinking this song in my head, *”The grace of God has reached for me, and pulled me from a raging sea. And I am safe, on this solid ground. The Lord is my salvation.”
I’m amazed every time I read the story of the trial, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus. The agony He endured is hard to truly imagine, and I’m humbled and grateful that the Creator of the world has saved my soul. He paid the price for sin, once and for all.
But what also amazes me is that he doesn’t leave us after salvation. He has a plan for our lives and walks with us, guiding us along the way. Indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we are never alone, and when His children are in a “raging sea”, He always provides enough grace to hold on until the time is right for the storm to cease.
Most people know our story, but for those who don’t, Brian and I suffered the loss of five babies through miscarriage (largely due to a genetic blood disease that I was diagnosed with) before finally getting pregnant with Seth.
The last couple of years have been filled with emotions, decisions, and the pain of loss. It has felt like a long, slow journey, but God has used it to teach me so much about who He is. He exposed my sinful heart and changed the faith I thought I had into the faith He wants me to have. He made me realize that He matters above all else. And finally, at just the right time in His sovereign plan, He placed Seth into our lives.
Trials are meant to change us so we become more like Christ. I can honestly say that I am very grateful for all God has done in my heart over these last several years, but even though God sustained me during the raging sea over and over again, the burdening desire to be a mother would never fade.
In March of 2017 I had just lost a set of twins. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so sick of being in pain, sick of putting forth effort, sick of trying to trust God. Sleepless nights made it worse and combined with all the emotions involved with miscarriages I felt like I was drowning.
I went for a follow up visit and pleadingly asked my doctor if there was anything else we could try or be tested for. He told me we had done everything we could and should try again when we were ready. Then he said something I’ll never forget: “I can’t do anything for you if you’re waiting on God.”
So we embarked on a year of waiting. I wasn’t exactly sure what we were waiting for…I just knew that I was not trying again without clear leading from God. I cried to Him to lift my burden-to fill it or take it away. I begged Him to help my breaking heart and to sustain me.
Slowly, day by day, sometimes just moment by moment, He gave me grace through His Word, His people, and countless other ways. He began working on my heart and taught me many lessons throughout this time. The burden to be a mother was still there, but He graciously made it light enough for me to bear as He showed me what it was I had been waiting for – I had been waiting for the purpose of seeing who He is, and learning that knowing Him is worth infinitely more than any earthly blessing. As Job said in 42:5-6 ESV“I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
I started a blog and began reaching out to other women struggling with losses, especially miscarriages. I was still sad, but I was okay, and God never let me go.
But then it came back, that feeling I had begun feeling several years earlier: the heavy burden to try to have a baby. I didn’t really want to try…I didn’t want to give up either, but I was so afraid.
God kept working on my heart, and we decided to not try, but to just see what happened. Three months later, almost exactly a year after we had decided to wait on God, I found out I was pregnant again.
I prayed this pregnancy would be different right from the start. God answered that prayer and for the first time I actually had morning sickness and my doctor described my visits with words like “normal” and “great”.
God had changed my attitude, and the entitlement I had felt with my other pregnancies was replaced with open hands and a willing heart. One day at a time we passed milestone after milestone until on November 19th Seth was placed on my chest, alive and well and screaming loud, just as I had prayed he would be. And in that moment my Lord pulled me from a raging sea. I cannot express my gratitude.
We always prayed about what to name our babies and I believe God graciously gave us their names as a gift. We did the same with Seth. None of the names we thought of felt right until one day Brian called to say he’d been reading in Genesis. He asked me what I thought about Seth. I looked up what it meant and it took about five seconds for me to realize that was his name. It means, “compensation; appointed” because Eve said Seth was appointed to take the place of Abel, the son she had lost.
Compensation. God didn’t give Eve another son because He owed her one; He owes us nothing. Nor did He give her a son because she deserved one; He gave her another son because He is merciful and cares for His people who are weak.
By the time you’ve had four miscarriages, you know the symptoms from a mile away. I hate that – knowing a pregnancy is failing. So even though we were blessed tremendously with a normal, healthy pregnancy, I struggled so much with anxiety and fear. It was like a heavy blanket and took a lot of self-control to make the conscious choice to enjoy every day.
Finally, I begged God, “Teach me how to trust”. He began reminding me how not in control we are. We make choices that can effect our lives, but we are so limited. We clench our fists around what we love, not realizing that our hands are useless in protecting it from harm. All we can do is take care of what God has given us, and then trust Him for the rest.
I began to pray about a middle name before deciding on one that means, “protecting hands”. God has graciously protected this little boy and held us all firm in His loving hands, and there, we are safe.
I share this letter with you because we were created to give God glory. It is God who saves the repentant sinner, God who sustains the faint hearted, God who blesses abundantly, and I just want to point to Him. I hope when you see our family you see the grace of God in our lives. I know I see it every time I look at our son.
Thank you for all the prayers you’ve said on our behalf.
May you use this holiday season to thank God for His goodness.
With Love,
Grace
*”The Lord is my Salvation” Keith and Kristyn Getty
© Grace Baeten 2020
The Misplaced Mom 
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