Committed to Christ

I can’t write about Biblical marriage without reading one of the main passages on what the husband and wife relationship is supposed to look like. 

This passage starts in Ephesians 5, where Paul commands believers to imitate God, to walk in love, and to be free of sexual immorality and sin. We are to walk in light because we are children of the light, exposing unfruitful works of darkness. We are to sing and give thanks, and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  (Ephesians 5:1-21) Then Paul goes into God’s design for marital roles:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-33

So many women feel offended by this passage, but when Brian and I studied it, I remember feeling like I had gotten the better end of the deal. I’m supposed to submit to a man whose job as a husband is to lead me with a Christ-like heart, devoted first to God, and then to my good. His every decision is to take my feelings and well-being into account before his own.

My husband’s actions are to show how he cherishes me; my actions are supposed to acknowledge him as the leader of our home.

If husbands cherished their wives perfectly, it would be a joy to always submit! 

But they don’t. Just like wives fail at showing their husband the respect they are commanded to give them. Notice I said the respect we are “commanded to give”, not the respect we feel our husbands deserve. Neither spouse is suppose to give love or respect based on the other spouse. Rather, we are supposed to give it simply as an act of obedience to a command God has given in Scripture.

When both spouses are fulfilling their roles, it makes for a joyful relationship. But everyone knows that life isn’t easy, and neither is self sacrifice, which is exactly what these verses are calling for. We are to love our spouse more than ourself. 

As I think back to our wedding day, I recall some of the reasons I got married. It was partly to make Brian happy, but it was mostly because it was going to make me happy. I loved him and wanted to be with him. 

I got married with confidence because I believed that was what God wanted me to do, but I carried with me the expectation that Brian would always naturally make me happy and I, him. I’m grateful God has uprooted some of those sinful expectations, and shown me that only Christ can truly satisfy. 

Even though Brian and I carried within our hearts some wrong ideas, we both knew that marriages were made to last. We both knew that the moment we said “I do” was the moment we became one flesh forever, no matter what. 

We wanted our vows to represent that and to be based on what the Bible says a believing spouse should be, so we stuck with traditional vows. As I read them again I was struck by something I’d never really thought about before…

I, ___________, take you __________, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love, honor, and obey, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to you until death do us part. 

Did you catch that? There’s not a ‘me’ in there. What I vowed was to give of myself to my husband, without listing any clauses, conditions, or even what I expected in return. I made a promise before God to love and serve Brian regardless of if he loved and served me. Honestly, it’s a little scary to pledge something so important, so I’m thankful my husband took his vows as seriously as I took mine.

His vows were essentially the same except that he vowed to cherish me instead of obey. He, too, stood before God and vowed to be to me what God called him to be, regardless of my heart towards him. 

I have come back to the vows we said so many times. Sometime just for the sweet memories of that moment, sometimes out of frustration, and a lot of times to reflect on what we had committed to. 

More than committing to stay together, we had committed to be faithful to God and to each other. We had committed to love, and we love best when we are committed to being like Christ. 

None of us can do that on our own. But as believers, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we are able to strive to imitate Christ. The more we read His Word and fill our minds with His truth, the more we are able to embody our Savior.

God is love. May we be a small reflection of that, so that we can fulfill our highest calling – to bring Him glory.

© Grace Baeten 2020

Photo Credits: Isabella Baeten