Overcoming OCD: Part 3

…So I tried to accept OCD as a part of me, and resolved to always work on keeping it in check. 

I learned as I went, but for some reason, I started using OCD as a crutch. Anxiety? Oh that’s just my OCD. Emotional? OCD. Not feeling very kindly toward someone? OCD. 

Then I started getting annoyed when people didn’t cater to me. I got sick of actively fighting it, and so I figured, “This is part of who I am, and people should just accept that.”

I wanted someone to tell me, “It’s not your fault. It’s okay to be a certain way.” Or maybe, “We’ll find an easy fix.” Sometimes though, having someone justify our emotions or actions isn’t what’s best. 

I’m not saying OCD is my fault (or anyone’s fault), because having it isn’t in my control. But (and I hate admitting this as much as you do), what I do with it, in response to it, is in my control. 

I was beginning to feel beat. Worn. So tired. I called my mom and cried. I felt angry when she told just about everyone in the immediate family. But one by one, they all reached out to offer encouragement. Some offered understanding, some offered wisdom, some just offered to be there for support. I resolved, yet again, to fight it.

I started praying about it and researching it all over again, ready to find some Biblical counsel. But as I studied on it, I came to realize these truths:

1. OCD is not the cause of every difficult thing in my life. Worry may be more of a struggle due to OCD, but worry isn’t OCD. And each thing needs to be dealt with for what it is.

2. I had made A LOT of progress. I had forgotten just how far I’d come. Gone were the days of four hours of floor mopping. (I only mop every 7 days!) Gone was the incessant checking on things. Gone was the avoidance of light switches.

My days have structure, normalcy, and a great lessening of cleaning. I don’t wipe down Seth’s backpack or car seat every day. I only wipe Molly’s paws if they are truly dirty. I recognize triggers. I am developing my self-control.

God has been gracious to me and when I took a step back, I saw a I had taken so many steps forward. I’m grateful for that.

3. I was depressed because I had OCD, not because of living with it, if that makes sense. 

Like I said, gone were the days of constant compulsions. What had me so bogged down was the fact I had OCD at all, the fact that I’d always have to be diligent in fighting it.

Bluntly, I was pouting and obsessing over OCD itself, instead of dealing with anxiety, which was the current issue. 

4. I’d never really gone through the process of *accepting OCD. 

I’m happy to write that OCD is being put back into its place for me all because of two things: Scripture and the Holy Spirit’s fruit of self-control. 

It’s not gone, because, I believe, it’s part of my genetic makeup; so it is a struggle I will always have. But for almost my whole life it has “*lived in the background.” So I will keep fighting, because it should always live there.

As I’ve said before, this blog is an open journal of what God puts on my heart and what I learn in His Word. I thought we’d do a little series on OCD, because it’s been a part of my life, but it does not control me, nor does it define me. 

It doesn’t have to define you either. Christ defeated sin, and that includes OCD. The best weapon is His Word, and it is so readily available to us. Just reach for it. 

That’s the first step we take in being victorious. 

*to be discussed more in depth soon

Thanks for reading! Hope you join me for the series! 🙂