A Sample of OCD

This is a scene of what it has been like having OCD, for me:

You sit down at the computer to write a blog. You happily start typing when you notice the keypad is a bit dusty, so you dust it. But now it feels really dirty to you, so even though you keep typing, when you’re interrupted, you have a predicament. 

See, you shut the office door, and now you can’t open it because your hands are contaminated. So you use your elbows, which is kinda hard. You wash your hands every single time you stop typing, just to make sure they’re clean. If you don’t, you can’t touch anything clean, like light switches, your notebook, your dog, etc. 

You start typing, but even writing, which you love, can be difficult. You feel compelled to cover every angle of the topic you are discussing, and to make sure you’re being clear about it. For example in this article, you feel it’s important to note this is what your OCD used to be like, and it’s not this bad anymore, and this example isn’t the same for everyone and isn’t as severe as many people have it and is one kind of OCD but there are several so you may or may not relate and…you get the idea. 

You see a misspelled word when, out of the blue, you feel the urge to retype the whole last line instead of just the misspelled word. And that feeling tells you that if you don’t, something really, really bad might happen to you. But you want to fight the urge, so you just retype the word. 

Then the feeling starts eating you alive, to the point where you can’t type anything further until you’ve taken care of this issue…so you sit there retyping the same line anywhere from 3-7 times, minimum, until it “feels right”, all the while kicking yourself for doing this, because it is completely irrational. 

After an hour and half of “writing”, you feel like you need a small vacation. 

But of course, you press on, all the while confronted with constant bombardments of OCD trying to make you believe its lies. 

This is just one small example. 

When I first started fighting OCD, it felt so pointless. All these questions kept popping into my head, and I needed answers to them before I could keep fighting. 

Does God want me to do these things? Is it some kind of obedience game?

Is this a sin?

What is OCD? 

If I fight it, will this get better? Is it important to fight against it?

Does having OCD or all of these feelings mean anything? 

There are answers to these questions, and that is important because having an answer, a reason to fight, a clearer understanding of the war, is another step closer to being where we need to be. 

Photo Credit: Isabella Baeten