Until Then

This was in honor of national infant loss awareness day. I know it’s late, but we lost another pregnancy, so it’s been hard for me to write. I wanted to post it anyway.

Dear Babies, October 15th, 2022

There really are no words to describe my love for you. Being your mom is one of my greatest privileges, even though there is pain mingled in. Sometimes I forget, but I am certain that loving you is absolutely worth the pain of today… because the joy that awaits is far superior. One day my arms will be as full as my heart. It won’t hurt anymore. Until then, I’ll keep loving you from afar, resting in the knowledge that you’re held by Jesus. Jesus who died to save us and lives to advocate for us.

Often I think of how wonderful heaven must be. I long to be close to you, and as I strive to worship God, especially when I open my mouth to sing praises to our Risen Savior, I think, “That’s what our babies in heaven are doing right now!” Then I get to feel a little bit closer to you, because we’re doing the same thing. I can’t wait to hear you sing when I join you in heavenly worship.

I wish with all my heart I could be taking care of you – rocking you to sleep, brushing your hair, playing chase throughout the house. I wish I could be your momma in more than just my heart; but I am believing that one day I’ll get that. One day you’ll come running straight into my arms.

Until then:

I’m choosing to cling to truth.
I’m thanking God for keeping us all in His loving care and for His abundant blessings.
I’m praising Him for making a way for sinners to be reunited and restored to God.
I’m remembering His grace and faithfulness.
And I’m remembering you.
Every. Single. Day.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
Love you. Love you. Love you.
Miss you.
See you soon.

Love,
Mommy

*”Lift up your eyes round about and see; they all gather together, they come to you. Your sons will come from afar, and your daughters will be carried in their arms. Then you will see and be radiant, And your heart will thrill and rejoice…” Isaiah 60:4-5 NASB

(*I know these verses are talking about Israel, but this is exactly how I picture meeting all of our babies in heaven.)