Everyone knows that in most grieving, there is a season of anger. There’s always been one for me. It comes when I begin to wrestle with tough questions about God and life. Why so much suffering? Why doesn’t He stop it, in His sovereignty? How can He listen to my cry without taking action if He loves me? On it goes.
Sure, this anger that comes from our questions and loss is completely normal, but in most cases I don’t think it’s righteous or good. It’s definitely never okay to be spiteful towards God, or to live in the bitterness that comes when we let anger linger longer than it should.
Ephesians 4 talks about our new life in Christ. Verses 26-27 say, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Later the chapter goes on to say in verse 31, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
James 1:19-20 states, “Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
These anger verses are just the tip of the iceberg, but from reading sections on anger in Scripture you can gather a few things. First off, there are two kinds of anger: the anger of God and the anger of man. Second, there is a difference between being angry and having an anger that consumes you. Thirdly, anger can be a slippery slope, so we must be careful.
As Christians, we should hate sin and ungodliness. So if in our grief we’re angry that living in a broken world has left us with hurtful circumstances, or we’re upset we have to live in this world when we’d rather be home with Jesus, that’s probably okay, for awhile. God Himself hates sin and His word earnestly warns of its consequences on humanity. But eventually, even our frustration at sin needs to turn to sorrow for the lost, gratitude for God’s grace, and other emotions present in the various stages of grief.
I don’t know about you, but my righteous anger usually doesn’t come until after I’ve dealt with the hard questions listed above. I believe God is sovereign. I believe He’s in control. So anger at the fact He lets me hurt is a truth I wrestle with sometimes. This might be natural, but as the verse in James said, it will not produce the righteousness of God. So what are we supposed to do with it?
Ultimately, the only real fix for our anger is the laying down of our pride. It’s admitting we don’t know best, but God does. If anger stems from our belief that we could direct our life better than God is and He’s messing up our plans, it’s time for us to remember who’s the Potter and who’s the clay.
The last few chapters of Job paint clear pictures of the power and wisdom of God. If we spend some time there we see clearly: we’re no match for the God who made stars, controls the sea, fashioned planets. When we see Him for Who He is – Creator, Master, Redeemer and Lord – as we begin to really behold Him, our only right reaction is to humble ourselves and repent of our entitlement attitude and our belief we know better. In our repentance, we place our life in God’s hands.
It is hard to stop attempting to have control over our lives, but the more we understand God’s character, the easer trust becomes. God does have a right to do as He pleases, but we aren’t surrendering to a heartless dictator – instead a loving Father who desires to give us not only truly good things, but more of Himself.
But anger doesn’t go away overnight. We have to keep bringing our heart to our Savior. One of my favorite things about God? He is not afraid of me. He’s not thrown off by my doubts. He’s not hindered by my questions. He’s doesn’t become unfaithful because I admit I’m struggling to understand. We can confess our wrong feelings to our God who freely forgives, and we can ask Him our big questions. His Word is filled with answers.
So, let’s ask our Heavenly Father to work in our hearts to soften the calluses which have formed from our pain. We can ask Him to show us how to be open, not bitter, towards His Word and Himself.
While we wait for Him to accomplish His works in our life, we must keep making the conscious effort to choose to trust Him. We’ll start to feel better when we take refuge in the Rock of Ages – when we open our heart again and choose to hold onto His promises, trust His character, and believe His plans for us are good.
Healing begins when we place our cares into the hands of the Healer. When we humbly submit to God’s plan for our life, we can finally rest. The antidote to anger? Humility. Gratitude. Rejoicing in our Savior. Laying our sin at Christ’s feet and resting in the peace that comes from knowing a God so big He holds the whole world in His hands, yet so humble He stoops down to carry us.
How can such grace not cause us to relinquish our anger, and instead, lift surrendered hands in praise?
© Grace Baeten 2023
The Misplaced Mom 
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