Our Savior Stays

There are many aspects of the resurrection story that amaze me, but this weekend there is one in particular I’m meditating on.

He’s hanging on the cross, in pain. The Father turns away from His Son, blood running down Christ’s body. Jesus looks over and sees a small group of people who love Him, but most of the people there are enjoying watching Him die.

He was God’s son. Heavens offspring. He could’ve gotten off that cross. He could’ve showed the world they were under His authority. He could’ve given up, because man didn’t want a Savior, despite their desperate need of one.

But He didn’t. He stayed. Even though they were angry. Even though they didn’t want Him. Even though they screamed mockery to His face. He still hung on that cross – a public display of humiliation. Of humility.

I’ve struggled this Easter weekend. Struggled to repent and praise as I should, which breaks my heart because this is the weekend we remember the sacrifice Christ offered up. The incomprehensible suffering He endured. The resurrection that restored our relationship with God. Yet here I am, wrestling with a conflicted heart.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for Christ’s atoning work. I’m thankful for our amazing, redeeming God. But I’m also really weary of the hard parts of life. So the praise offered up by my hurting, bitter heart is so lacking. It’s not what the God of the universe deserves.

Yet He stays by my side. Even when I’m angry. Even when I don’t want Him. Even when I silently scream bitter things. Even when I ask Him to leave me be.

He stays.

He holds me – gentle, yet firm. Stands by His promise to never let me go. Takes my sin and whispers, “My blood covered that.”

He patiently continues to mold this heart into what it’s supposed to be. During the hard, ugly, tear-ridden parts of this journey, He never leaves me. Never forsakes me. Never turns His back on His promises.

It’s here, in the hard, that my heart finally becomes a little less so. If God loved me so much He stayed on the cross, surely He must still love me now. Surely He can be trusted. Surely He should be praised.

I don’t deserve Him, but I am eternally thankful for Him.

And for His grace. For His blood and righteousness that cover me. For His arms that bid me come. And for the fact that, even when I’m not very lovable, He stays.

I don’t have much, but I can offer up feeble praise through my tears. Immense gratitude through my grief. Trust despite my anxiety. Love despite my doubts.

And when I fail at those things, I have nothing to fear… because He stays with me.

He always stays for His children.

© Grace Baeten 2023