Love What Matters

Being an autism momma has humbled me in a lot of ways. Motherhood in general has I suppose, but autism does bring in certain unique elements.

When it came to motherhood, I was determined to do it exactly the right way. With over a decade of baby-sitting experience, and a host of parenting books and Scripture studies under my belt, I felt as well prepared as I could’ve been. And truthfully, that first year of parenthood was pretty easy. But when our son started refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, refusing to listen to anything we said, my well-thought through solutions came up a bit short. I felt like such a failure.

I couldn’t vocalize my frustrations because I was so afraid I’d sound ungrateful when I was anything but. People offered up suggestion after suggestion, and all I wanted to do was cry. I needed a hand to hold, an understanding ear, an older, wiser voice to say, “You’ll figure this out.” But I just couldn’t admit I felt lost. So I kept doing my best and praying to God for mercy.

Two years later was when the word “autism” came up. I knew as soon as someone mentioned it they were right. I was half upset and half relieved. The eating issues, sleeping issues, bathroom issues, listening issues – they all made sense. It wasn’t my fault or Seth’s or my husband’s. Our son had different ways of processing things and we had to learn how to see life his way.

As time went on, we learned a few things. We jumped into ABA parenting classes and began reading books on parenting the “ABA way”. We paid more attention to what made Seth behave certain ways. It was in this process I learned some humility.

I learned to lay down my preconceived ideas that every child is parented the same way.

I wasn’t going to be the mom whose kid had electronics, but I learned that allowing Seth’s mind to be stimulated during rest time or while I made dinner was more important than being able to say, “We don’t do movie time.”

I learned that all kids don’t go to bed at 7, and some require a long time to wind down. Those nighttime hours have become a sweet time for my son and me.

I learned that while a balanced, healthy meal is best, sometimes we have to be thankful for what we works for us at the time, whether its macaroni and cheese or a salad.

I learned to go outside of my world to love someone in a way that speaks to them and not me.

I learned to pour my energy into loving what matters.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not that big of a deal if your family owns a TV or not. If you only eat organic or not. If you parent the ways your parents did or not.

It matters if you showed up for your kids. If you fought for them. If you regularly invested in them. If you worked hard to love them. If you aimed to point them to God, who loves them even more you do.

If you remember to focus on what matters instead of being bogged down by what doesn’t, your kids will eventually learn to love what matters too. That’s a bigger victory than maintaining all the ideas you had of what motherhood was supposed to look like.

Keep your eyes on the prize: love them with the love God has given you.

© Grace Baeten 2023