Friends

I have a T-shirt that says, “Seeing the world differently is beautiful. – Autism Awareness.” I bought it shortly after finding out our son is autistic, as I processed what that meant. I knew autism would never change how much I love my son. In fact, it only deepened my desire to work hard at being a good mother. But, autism did change how we were parenting, how we help our son reach his full potential, and how we see the world.

However, it wasn’t Seth who first showed me the beauty of differences. It was a little girl named *Sarah.

I met Sarah several years ago. She was diagnosed with Rasmussens syndrome, and at only three years old, had half of her brain “disconnected”. She was in intensive therapy, trying to graduate out of her wheelchair. Her difficulties were extensive.

I knew very few people with disabilities, and I saw none on a regular basis. My sister began doing respite care for Sarah, and we started to see her more often. I must confess, there were times I found her differences uncomfortable. But as I watched her, the Holy Spirit tugged at my heart, opening my eyes to see her struggles and suffering, and her progress.

Sarah slowly began shaping the way I see people with disabilities. It was good to expand my horizons. But that was just the beginning.

We later found out our son was autistic. I hadn’t known that autism classified as special needs, but it does. Though I would never equate it to what Sarah went through, autism certainly does affect the way you live. I love my son immensely, and overnight I went from merely having compassion towards those with special needs, to having a heart for them and their caregivers. That growth came from a seed planted by watching Sarah’s struggles and improvements.

That reminds me of a quote I read in the book “Finding Your Child’s Way on the Autism Spectrum” by Dr. Laura Henderickson:

“Each [special needs child] is unique, and the contribution that each makes to our world will be… because of their uniqueness, not in spite of it.“

I have found this to be true. Sarah is only 8 years old, and God’s already been using her.

He did it again today.

“Are you interested in coming to the sunflower farm?” My sister had asked.

“Yeah.” I said. But I wasn’t sure. The sunflowers on the poster looked cheery and the sky a beautiful blue, but I hated having to be somewhere first thing in the morning. I thought of my son and how he’d have fun, so I agreed to go.

Somehow we managed to be up and ready almost on time. Seth and I climbed into my parent’s old mini van. We picked Sarah up and it was then I saw more of God’s grace.

For the first time ever, my son shyly greeted her. He even seemed glad to see her. As we arrived at the sunflower farm and started down the path cut into the flowers, I saw him walk over to Sarah and reach for her hand all on his own. She looked unsure, but took the offer. I watched as my little boy, who usually was unable to connect with other children, walked hand in hand with one. Tears brimmed my eyes as I realized, “Sarah, you’re Seth’s first friend.”

Oh, my son has many, many people who love him and many people whom he loves. But for the first time, without any prompting from an adult, he had gone out of his world to reach into someone else’s. I couldn’t help but rejoice.

One of the things I love about Sarah is that she doesn’t seem to notice Seth’s differences. She’s never once asked me why Seth makes funny noises, as another kid at a playdate did every time Seth stimmed. She didn’t tell me he seemed like a baby for his age as a cousin had pointed out. She didn’t demand Seth be anything different than himself. She just accepted his invitation to hold his hand, and they walked together.

I think that’s what we’re supposed to do for people who are “differently-abled” than us. We don’t point out their differences or accuse them of being less. We simply extend our hand to welcome them and exchange a few smiles.

Maybe then, just like the sunflowers we saw that day, a friendship will eventually bloom.

©️ Grace Baeten 2024

*Name changed for privacy.

*Note: This story is from a couple of years ago. The amount of progress my son has made is incredible. I’m so thankful to say he has many friends and plays well with others now. It is such a gift!

If I could offer you a small piece of encouragement from one autism mom to another, it would be what a friend once told me: I promise your child will grow. It might take a long time. It’s going to look different than you thought. It will require a lot of effort.

But they will grow.

Their abilities will expand. They will learn. You both will.

So keep praying for grace and pressing forward in His strength, trusting that in His time, all things become beautiful. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

With Love,

Grace