Fertility Story – Part One

Wow, has life been full. Full of really hard things and full of really good things. Just full. Let me catch you up:) But first, we have to go back a ways…

Over on instagram @hesatisfiesthehungrysoul I’ve finally written out our fertility journey, and I wanted to post it here too. There’s a lot of parts as our journey spans almost ten years, so bear with me:)

I got married less than two weeks after my 18th birthday. I’d been dating my boyfriend for almost four years, half of which was long distance, & we were ready to start a life together. My parents let me get engaged at 17, & we spent that year fixing up the house my then-fiancé had bought, planning our wedding, & dreaming about the future. It was a pretty sweet season of life.

We had originally decided to wait a couple of years to have kids, but after we were married I began to feel this heavy burden to pursue having kids right away. I can’t describe it exactly, but God just kept putting the burden to pursue motherhood on my heart.

After months of prayer & seeking counsel, my husband & I felt absolutely confident God wanted us to start a family. We decided to go ahead, & exactly one month later we found out I was pregnant. We were over the moon.

Because we had been seeking to be obedient, it never even entered my mind that God’s plan could look different than mine. At six weeks we miscarried. I’d never felt such pain in my whole life. I remember climbing into bed after leaving the ER & crying because I knew I would never be the same person I’d been that morning. I missed my baby & grieved for the life we wouldn’t get with them.

I was told to try again as recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) is rare, especially for someone my age. Less than two months later, I got pregnant again. We made it to nine weeks before I miscarried. I won’t go into details about the physical side of things because it was truly traumatic & I hate reliving it.

I’d never had to grieve before I had miscarriages. I’d never known loss. Now it felt like it was all I knew.

I had a horribly insensitive doctor so I refused to go back to the clinic. My body wouldn’t stop bleeding through, so I bled for another nine weeks & was very sick because of it. A friend got me in to a specialist who ended up playing a big role in our lives.