I begged God to make this pregnancy different from the start. He graciously did just that. I had actual morning sickness for the first time ever, & at my appointments we heard things were “great” & “everything looks normal”.
It’s hard to explain how you can simultaneously feel anxiety & peace, but somehow there was both. I wanted to enjoy being pregnant & believe everything would be okay, but it was hard. I am so thankful God is patient & gentle. He truly walked with us every step of the way.
He’d changed my attitude, & the entitlement I had felt with my other pregnancies was replaced with open hands & a willing heart. One day at a time we passed milestone after milestone, until at 8:57 pm on Monday, November 19th, our son was placed on my chest – alive & well & screaming loud – just as I had prayed he would be. In that moment, this weary heart that had longed to have children since as far back as I can remember, felt relief. My gratitude to God could not be put into words.
I’d like to say that’s where the trial of miscarriages ended; that we went home to live happily ever after. But while our son’s birth did bring us a happier season, life was still hard.
For whatever reason, my health greatly declined after giving birth. At first I thought it was normal postpartum, but after 18 months of chronic illness & pretty severe pain, I finally went back to my doctor & begged him for help figuring out what was wrong with me. I hoped it’d be a quick fix, something small. Unfortunately, this doctor appointment began a long journey of health problems for me, continuing through the present day.
The Misplaced Mom 
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