Just Another Day

I wake up. Stretch. Glance over at my dog. She’s curled up in a ball that makes her look even more tiny than she is. I pick her up and she growls just a bit. How dare I disturb the princess! But as I nestle her in my arms she curls up and closes her eyes as if she’s going to fall back asleep. Then instead, she shifts her head so it’s resting on my arm and licks my hand. She looks at me, and the way she does makes me wonder if she knows. If she can sense the pain in my heart and body. I wish I could cry, but I can’t. I’d settle for being able to sleep.

Poor Molly. She spent half the night up with me. Again. The extra lack of sleep makes me feel more worn than normal. Worn out emotionally, mentally, physically, everything. Oh God I need your strength.

I can’t decide what I should do today. Too many options. Should I clean my house? Visit my friend Lois? She likes the company… Pick a craft to work on?

I know I should make myself read His Word, first thing. It isn’t that I don’t want it…just that it makes me face my pain. And today I don’t want; too worn, too weak.

I make myself open the Bible and turn to the Psalms. I pray before I begin: “Okay God. You’ve always given me strength for today, and today I need extra. Please, please hold my heart. Give my husband and I extra love and comfort today. I miss them Lord. I’m sitting here in my bed, heart filled with pain. I know it could be worse-certainly! And I am grateful you are so merciful to me! But it still hurts. Help me Lord. I’m trying to make the right choices, and to trust in Your plan.”

I don’t say amen, because it feels like the prayer isn’t over. My heart is still silently pleading with Him to provide us with children to raise. I turn to Psalm 61, and my heart prays that too.

Psalm 61
1 Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; 2 from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, 3 for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. 4 Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah
5 For you, O God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name. 6 Prolong the life of the king; may his years endure to all generations! 7 May he be enthroned forever before God; appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him! 8 So will I ever sing praises to your name, as I perform my vows day after day.

And Psalm 62

1 For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. 2 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. 3 How long will all of you attack a man to batter him, like a leaning wall, a tottering fence? 4 They only plan to thrust him down from his high position. They take pleasure in falsehood. They bless with their mouths, but inwardly they curse. Selah
5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. 7 On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
9 Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath. 10 Put no trust in extortion; set no vain hopes on robbery; if riches increase, set not your heart on them. 11 Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God, 12 and that to you, O Lord, belongs steadfast love. For you will render to a man according to his work.

And Psalm 63

1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. 4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
6 when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7 for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. 9 But those who seek to destroy my life shall go down into the depths of the earth; 10 they shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals. 11 But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by him shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be stopped.

My pain isn’t gone, but my heart is in the Hands of the Healer, and I feel like I’ve gotten some perspective again.

I open up my journal and add to my list of “thankfuls”…
1-Who God is
2-my dear, sweet, patient husband
3-Molly
4-This home
5-all my family…

I smile and pray a prayer rich with gratitude at the realization that the list could go on… and on and on and on. I am blessed.

Molly’s up now. She’s ready to start the day. By the grace of God, I guess I am too.

As I sit down on the couch a short while later to start my Bible studying for the day, I look out our big picture window and feel the warm sunlight on my arm. I remember all the verses on hope and light dawning in the darkness and I feel God warm my heart.

As I read His Word, it’s as if He’s reminding me, “I’ll always be enough for you, Grace. Cling to me. I am God, and I am all the truly matters.”

And He is. Today, and tomorrow, and every day ever after. And Him giving me strength for the day is just another opportunity for me to say, “Look what God can do.”

Look what God can do. Praise Him, for He is great.

Psalm 35:27-28 “Let those who delight in my righteousness shout for joy and be glad and say ever more, ‘Great is the LORD, who delights in the welfare of his servant!’ Then my tongue shall tell of your righteousness and of your praise all the day long.”

© Grace Baeten 2020